Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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