Well douche your snatch and let's go!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts