You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
