I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.