Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.

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  (415): fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background. http://tfl.nu/i9c0
  Replies (22) Good night (3350) Bad night (776)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.

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  (513): Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside. http://tfl.nu/2kyw
  Replies (24) Good night (4953) Bad night (965)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX

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  (517): My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX http://tfl.nu/rv1c
  Replies (23) Good night (1141) Bad night (6273)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.

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  (662): I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered. http://tfl.nu/u71a
  Replies (15) Good night (7499) Bad night (1116)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...

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  (+44): The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad... http://tfl.nu/0y4t
  Replies (5) Good night (823) Bad night (2124)
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  (619): View more from California

  By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.

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  (619): By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time. http://tfl.nu/je0g
  Replies (14) Good night (2561) Bad night (941)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.

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  (410): I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him. http://tfl.nu/mi5e
  Replies (5) Good night (612) Bad night (1929)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project

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  (207): I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project http://tfl.nu/3ddm
  Replies (1) Good night (1207) Bad night (399)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  no way

  (519): View more from Ontario

  that's when i decided you were gonna be okay

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  (519): you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese" (1-519): no way (519): that's when i decided you were gonna be okay http://tfl.nu/clro
  Replies (1) Good night (1579) Bad night (510)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.

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  (734): I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play. http://tfl.nu/5k4o
  Replies (6) Good night (1258) Bad night (511)
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.

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  (289): Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes. http://tfl.nu/y1u0
  Replies (9) Good night (439) Bad night (1030)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie

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  (508): Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie http://tfl.nu/abbt
  Replies (5) Good night (1039) Bad night (292)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"

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  (425): I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing" http://tfl.nu/ogw7
  Replies (4) Good night (516) Bad night (262)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.

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  (617): In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame. http://tfl.nu/9nrq
  Replies (0) Good night (431) Bad night (535)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.

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  (920): I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence. http://tfl.nu/l65g
  Replies (1) Good night (359) Bad night (251)

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