my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with