I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.