If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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