it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
