can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
