he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
