He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
