the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
