once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
