why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
