Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
