Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
