Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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