if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
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My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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