i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
