i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
