My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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