Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
