Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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