who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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