No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
