Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
