Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
