they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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