Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
