Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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