I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
