We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
