There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
