im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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