I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
