she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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