i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
