can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
