I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
