Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
we made out on top of his cat.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
