This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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