Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
false alarm, still single
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize