trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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