so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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