Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
