If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
