Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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