don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
