Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
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