apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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