He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just found puke in my bra..
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
