I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
