I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
