Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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