You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
