So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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