I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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