overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
