Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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