can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
