i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
