Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
