Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
