Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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