i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
