You just made me feel so damn special
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Randomize
