you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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