none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
