On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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